A few things I have heard myself say recently:
- Why are you completely naked?
- Yes, you can ask Santa to give you a unicorn for Christmas.
- Stop! Never spray your sister with Windex again!
- Seriously, where is your other shoe?
Showing posts with label Mommy Says. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Mommy Says. Show all posts
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Mommy Says ...
Recently I have heard myself say:
- Do not put a dog collar on your sister!!
- Why is your mattress in the bathroom?
- You cannot eat baked beans with your hands. That is why I gave you a spoon.
- You can hold Minnie Mouse on your lap, but stop chewing on her nose.
- Do not use the cap to the water bottle as a cup. That is ridiculous. It is way too small.
- I have no idea where your Barbie doll is, I barely know where my car keys are.
Monday, November 22, 2010
Mommy Says ...
Things I cannot believe that I have said recently:
- Even if you can fit through the dog door, you cannot crawl through it. It is only for dogs.
- Pretend boo-boos get pretend band-aids. Seriously, if there is no blood and no broken skin, you do not need a band-aid.
- How many changes of clothes have you had today?
- You cannot wear your Cinderella costume to Publix.
- Plastic tiaras break. I am sorry. We have to throw it out. It's not like you don't have ten others.
- Even if you can fit through the dog door, you cannot crawl through it. It is only for dogs.
- Pretend boo-boos get pretend band-aids. Seriously, if there is no blood and no broken skin, you do not need a band-aid.
- How many changes of clothes have you had today?
- You cannot wear your Cinderella costume to Publix.
- Plastic tiaras break. I am sorry. We have to throw it out. It's not like you don't have ten others.
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Mommy Says ...
Things I have said tonight:
- Do not bite each other.
- Do not bite me either.
- Why are you putting your toes in your mouth?
- Do not pick your sister's nose.
You would think I had boys!
- Do not bite each other.
- Do not bite me either.
- Why are you putting your toes in your mouth?
- Do not pick your sister's nose.
You would think I had boys!
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Mommy Says
Sometimes I say things and have to remind myself that I have girls. I thought only little boys would need to hear these maternal admonishments:
- Do not chew on the tablecloth.
- Spit IN the sink, not ACROSS the sink. No wonder the bathroom mirror is so dirty.
- When you wipe yourself, the toilet paper actually has to TOUCH your skin. "Fly-by wipes" don't count.
- Stop pulling Daddy's finger. It is not funny.
- Do not chew on the tablecloth.
- Spit IN the sink, not ACROSS the sink. No wonder the bathroom mirror is so dirty.
- When you wipe yourself, the toilet paper actually has to TOUCH your skin. "Fly-by wipes" don't count.
- Stop pulling Daddy's finger. It is not funny.
Monday, July 19, 2010
Mommy Says
Things I have said recently which were totally appropriate, in context:
You have to put your hand through the sleeve before your elbow. Now you are stuck. I am sorry, but this will hurt trying to get your folded up arm out of your sleeve so you can wear the shirt properly.
Who put (the stuffed) Mickey Mouse in time out? (just imagine the stuffed animal sitting on the floor with its nose in the corner - I really wish I had my camera then)
Do not pick your nose at the dinner table. (Pause.) Let me rephrase that. Do not pick your nose at all.
Do not hit your sister with the tomahawk. OK, you can hit your sister with the tomahawk, but not in the face.
You have to put your hand through the sleeve before your elbow. Now you are stuck. I am sorry, but this will hurt trying to get your folded up arm out of your sleeve so you can wear the shirt properly.
Who put (the stuffed) Mickey Mouse in time out? (just imagine the stuffed animal sitting on the floor with its nose in the corner - I really wish I had my camera then)
Do not pick your nose at the dinner table. (Pause.) Let me rephrase that. Do not pick your nose at all.
Do not hit your sister with the tomahawk. OK, you can hit your sister with the tomahawk, but not in the face.
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Mommy Says
Things I have said recently which were completely appropriate in context:
You'll have to put your magic wand down while you are putting your shirt on.
Daddy does not need a magic wand; he is a boy.
Just how long are you going to sit there on the potty and not tee-tee?
No, you do not get chocolate just for sitting on the potty. You have to actually tee-tee.
You'll have to put your magic wand down while you are putting your shirt on.
Daddy does not need a magic wand; he is a boy.
Just how long are you going to sit there on the potty and not tee-tee?
No, you do not get chocolate just for sitting on the potty. You have to actually tee-tee.
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Mommy Says
Things I have said recently which were completely appropriate, in context:
Who put the Belle doll in the toilet?
No spitting at the dinner table.
No counting your sister's spits at the dinner table.
Do not color your teeth with a marker.
How long does it take to brush your teeth? Why is the sink completely full of water?
Who put the Belle doll in the toilet?
No spitting at the dinner table.
No counting your sister's spits at the dinner table.
Do not color your teeth with a marker.
How long does it take to brush your teeth? Why is the sink completely full of water?
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Mommy Says
Things I have heard myself say recently which, in context, were reasonable statements:
- Sometimes tiaras break, you don't need to cry.
- Wait ... what did you just put in your mouth? What did you pick up off the carpet and put in your mouth? OK, open your mouth wide and let me see.
- Who put my keys in the shower? No sweetie, my keys do not need a bath.
- Sometimes tiaras break, you don't need to cry.
- Wait ... what did you just put in your mouth? What did you pick up off the carpet and put in your mouth? OK, open your mouth wide and let me see.
- Who put my keys in the shower? No sweetie, my keys do not need a bath.
Monday, April 19, 2010
Mommy Says ...
Things I have said recently:
- Thank you for offering, but Mommy does not need help in the potty.
- Thank you for offering, but Mommy does not need help in the potty.
- You have to get all the way in the car before you shut the door.
- Do not eat the blue crayon.
- Do not eat the red crayon either.
- Who put Pluto in the refridgerator?
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Mommy Says
Things I have said recently:
- Mickey Mouse cannot take a bath with you.
- You cannot brush your sister's eyebrows with a hairbrush. Seriously. Stop. Leave her eyebrows alone.
- You cannot eat yogurt in the car seat. Absolutely not.
- Do not suck on the paint brush. It is not a lollipop.
- How did you get your diaper off while leaving your pajamas on?
- Do you see those brown chunks in your crib? That is why you are supposed to wear diapers at night. All night. Every night.
- Mickey Mouse cannot take a bath with you.
- You cannot brush your sister's eyebrows with a hairbrush. Seriously. Stop. Leave her eyebrows alone.
- You cannot eat yogurt in the car seat. Absolutely not.
- Do not suck on the paint brush. It is not a lollipop.
- How did you get your diaper off while leaving your pajamas on?
- Do you see those brown chunks in your crib? That is why you are supposed to wear diapers at night. All night. Every night.
Friday, March 12, 2010
Mommy Says
Statements made by me recently:
- Do not stand on the iPhone.
- Do not hit your sister with the toy sword - just hit the floor.
- You just got out of the bath tub. Your hands are clean. You do not have to wash them right now.
- You have brushed your teeth three times. That is enough. Time for bed.
- Do not stand on the iPhone.
- Do not hit your sister with the toy sword - just hit the floor.
- You just got out of the bath tub. Your hands are clean. You do not have to wash them right now.
- You have brushed your teeth three times. That is enough. Time for bed.
Monday, December 28, 2009
Mommy Says ...
Things I have heard myself saying recently:
- Do not start te-teeing until you get to the potty.
- Pull your pants and your panties down before you sit down on the potty.
- Wipe yourself before you pull your panties and your pants back up.
- Don't leave the potty until after you finish te-teeing. Seriously. Just sit there a few more minutes and finish.
- You cannot use half a square of toilet paper to wipe yourself; you need more than that.
- You do not need 20 squares of toilet paper to wipe yourself; put some back.
- Why are you washing your hands first? Use the potty first, then wash your hands.
- Why is Cinderella soaking wet? Remember what we talked about: the princess like to stay dry all day. That is why we have a potty for you.
Can you tell we are going through potty training? I had no idea this process would take so many reminders from me.
- Do not start te-teeing until you get to the potty.
- Pull your pants and your panties down before you sit down on the potty.
- Wipe yourself before you pull your panties and your pants back up.
- Don't leave the potty until after you finish te-teeing. Seriously. Just sit there a few more minutes and finish.
- You cannot use half a square of toilet paper to wipe yourself; you need more than that.
- You do not need 20 squares of toilet paper to wipe yourself; put some back.
- Why are you washing your hands first? Use the potty first, then wash your hands.
- Why is Cinderella soaking wet? Remember what we talked about: the princess like to stay dry all day. That is why we have a potty for you.
Can you tell we are going through potty training? I had no idea this process would take so many reminders from me.
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Mommy Says ...
Things I have said recently to my children:
- Stop! Just because it comes in a tube, does not mean it is toothpaste.
- Don't stick a q-tip up your nose.
- Did you just eat something you found underneath the couch? (three seconds pass) What was it?
- Who put my iPhone in the bathroom sink? (thankfully, the sink was dry)
- Stop! Just because it comes in a tube, does not mean it is toothpaste.
- Don't stick a q-tip up your nose.
- Did you just eat something you found underneath the couch? (three seconds pass) What was it?
- Who put my iPhone in the bathroom sink? (thankfully, the sink was dry)
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Mommy Says ...
Some of the crazy, yet totally appropriate things, I have said recently:
- Who put Mickey Mouse in the lettuce drawer?
- Do not stick crayons in your nose.
- Why do I have to shampoo your hair every time you have a lollipop?
- You are not getting an iPhone for Christmas.
- You cannot turn seven on your next birthday. You are 4 now, so you must turn 5 on your next birthday. You cannot skip birthdays. (This was literally a ten minute discussion; for some unknown reason Catherine wants to be seven on her next birthday.)
- Who put Mickey Mouse in the lettuce drawer?
- Do not stick crayons in your nose.
- Why do I have to shampoo your hair every time you have a lollipop?
- You are not getting an iPhone for Christmas.
- You cannot turn seven on your next birthday. You are 4 now, so you must turn 5 on your next birthday. You cannot skip birthdays. (This was literally a ten minute discussion; for some unknown reason Catherine wants to be seven on her next birthday.)
Monday, November 2, 2009
Mommy Says ...
Things I have said recently:
Why did you put Play Doh in your pocket?
Do not eat stickers.
Don't put a half eaten lollipop on the couch.
You have already opened three lollipops. Finish those before we open more.
Why did you put Play Doh in your pocket?
Do not eat stickers.
Don't put a half eaten lollipop on the couch.
You have already opened three lollipops. Finish those before we open more.
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Mommy Says ...
Things I have said recently which were entirely appropriate in context:
No, I will not get you cash from the bank. You are only 4. (Catherine than asked "Later?" So I said, "Yes, later ... when you are 20."
I am not pulling the car over to pick up your sippy cup.
The moon looks tiny to you, but it is really far away. Trust me.
To Sabrina:
Do not stand on top of the dollhouse.
Do not put stickers in your juice.
No, I will not get you cash from the bank. You are only 4. (Catherine than asked "Later?" So I said, "Yes, later ... when you are 20."
I am not pulling the car over to pick up your sippy cup.
The moon looks tiny to you, but it is really far away. Trust me.
To Sabrina:
Do not stand on top of the dollhouse.
Do not put stickers in your juice.
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Mommy Says ...
I cannot believe I have said these things recently:
- No, you cannot try to brush Sabrina's teeth. Remove your toothbrush from her mouth.
- Why are you dipping your oranges in the gravy?
- Do not put pepper in your applesauce.
- It is 2 a.m. You cannot watch Barney.
- It is 2:05 a.m. You cannot watch Elmo either.
- It is 2:10 a.m. You cannot watch Baby Einstein either. (Have I ever mentioned how persistent Catherine is?)
- No, you cannot try to brush Sabrina's teeth. Remove your toothbrush from her mouth.
- Why are you dipping your oranges in the gravy?
- Do not put pepper in your applesauce.
- It is 2 a.m. You cannot watch Barney.
- It is 2:05 a.m. You cannot watch Elmo either.
- It is 2:10 a.m. You cannot watch Baby Einstein either. (Have I ever mentioned how persistent Catherine is?)
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Mommy Says
Things I have said at the dinner table (which seemed totally appropriate at the time):
- Don't stick your straw in your ear.
- I have eaten a lot of yogurt and TRUST me, you cannot eat yogurt with your fingers.
- Why do you have grits in your hair?
- You cannot wash your hands in a glass of iced tea.
- We cannot call Belle during dinner.
- The question of whether you need a bath tonight is now moot.
- Six grapes is too many to put in your mouth at one time.
- You cannot drink salsa through a straw. Use a spoon.
- That's enough salt and pepper on your strawberries.
- Don't stick your straw in your ear.
- I have eaten a lot of yogurt and TRUST me, you cannot eat yogurt with your fingers.
- Why do you have grits in your hair?
- You cannot wash your hands in a glass of iced tea.
- We cannot call Belle during dinner.
- The question of whether you need a bath tonight is now moot.
- Six grapes is too many to put in your mouth at one time.
- You cannot drink salsa through a straw. Use a spoon.
- That's enough salt and pepper on your strawberries.
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Mommy Says ...
In reviewing what I have heard myself say recently, I wonder what people might think of me as a mother. "What does she let her kids get away with?" I really do supervise my children; they are just so active and inquisitive that it only takes a split second for them to get into things they shouldn't. So, recently I have said:
- New house rule: do not put ANYTHING up your nose.
- Do not hit your sister with the magic wand; just wave it over her head.
- Why are you squishing your banana in your fist? Just eat it.
- You cannot wear your Tinkerbell costume to school.
- Do not climb into the refrigerator.
- Do not sit on the dishwasher door. It is not a chair.
- New house rule: do not put ANYTHING up your nose.
- Do not hit your sister with the magic wand; just wave it over her head.
- Why are you squishing your banana in your fist? Just eat it.
- You cannot wear your Tinkerbell costume to school.
- Do not climb into the refrigerator.
- Do not sit on the dishwasher door. It is not a chair.
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