Sovereignty of God

For as long as I can remember, I thought of God as "sovereign." Throughout the Bible, scriptures refer to His sovereignty:

The LORD has established His throne in the heavens; And His sovereignty rules over all (Psalm 103:19).

But our God is in the heavens; He does whatever He pleases (Psalm 115:3).

For I know that the LORD is great, And that our Lord is above all gods. Whatever the LORD pleases, He does, In heaven and in earth, in the seas and in all deeps (Psalm 135:5-6).

Yet until I had a child with serious medical problems, including brain cancer, I didn't really understand what "the sovereignty of God" meant. I honestly don't care if God formed the stars, the mountains, the oceans. All of these are beautiful. Photographs of sunsets make great wallpaper for my computer screen.

Maybe I am jaded, but the fact that God can make a rainbow doesn't honestly mean much to me. My daily life and thoughts focus more on my job, my family, me. I go days without thinking how beautiful and pure a mountain stream is. I rarely go an hour without using my laptop. If it crashes, or I can't get online, I cannot focus until the situation is fixed. If my house is out of order, I try to find a solution. I do not accept the situation.

Yet when Catherine was diagnosed with cancer, I understood immediately what the "sovereignty of God" means. Nothing we, her parents, or Catherine did or did not do caused Catherine to have a brain tumor. Nothing we or she could do would determine if the medical treatments would work or not. This situation was in God's hands ... He let it happen and He could fix it. I couldn't.

This sudden understanding of God's sovereignty gave me so much freedom and humility. I knew that I could control all the things that weren't really important: what I wore to work, if the house was clean, if I filled my gas tank, if I paid my bills. All the minute details which make my daily life run smoothly (hopefully).

Yet the important issues: if my child has a tumor, if the chemo shrinks it, were not in my control. I knew I could not fix it. I wanted it fixed, but what could I do? God was in control of this situation. I could pray and ask Him for what I wanted. But I could not fix her cancer. As the scriptures above indicate, God will do as He pleases. I am grateful that God is pleased to give us Catherine for almost four years. It pleases me too!