Kindergarden-Level Sins

Catherine's kindergarten class uses colors to rank each child's behavior for the day: blue is the best, then green, then yellow, then red. Each day Catherine's folder in her backpack has a colored dot on her monthly calendar. Catherine has been alternating between blue dots and green dots for the whole first month of school.

When she gets a green dot, there is always a written note explaining why she had to change her color. If she ever gets a yellow dot, we have to have a phone conference with the teacher. If she ever gets a red dot, we have to have a meeting with the teacher.

I have to admit that I was mortified the first time Catherine came home with a green dot. I work in juvenile court and at times can be mortified at the behavior of my clients. I cringe at the thought of my own child ending up in juvenile court, charged with delinquent offenses.

My rational side knows there is a huge leap between Catherine's kindergarten-level sins and a future life of crime.

Catherine's green dot behavior has generally been threefold: not listening, not sitting still, and not being quiet. More specifically:

One day she yelled while walking in the hallway, then started laughing because she thought the echo-like sound was funny. This caused the other kids in her class to laugh and yell, which apparently became quite chaotic in the hallway. It was anarchy!!

One day she didn't want to color her worksheet. She wanted to leave it white. After all, white is a color, right?

One day she did not put her head down and rest during rest time. She got out of her chair and got a puzzle off the shelf. She loves puzzles, always has. We have always encouraged her to do puzzles; they build spatial reasoning skills.

One day the teacher asked her to do something and Catherine told the teacher she wanted to do it "my way" and not "her way." Insubordination at age five ... good thing we had no hopes for her to ever enter the military anyway.

At first we lectured Catherine and acted as sad and mad as we possibly could about her getting a green dot. That had no effect. So then we started taking away privileges: no tv, no dress up costumes in the evening. That had no effect.

Then we took away princess posters. Robby made a big deal of taking the Belle poster down, rolling it up and putting it in the closet. When I was trying to console Catherine that she would have to look at a blank wall now instead of the Belle poster, she put her hand on my arm and said "It's OK Mommy, I'll get it back later."

One day Catherine got off the bus and told me that she had a blue dot for the day. I praised her and drove her home. When I got her homework out of her folder, I saw that she did not have a blue dot for the day, she had a green dot. She had lied to me! Of course we punished her for the green dot and for lying to us, still by removing toys and privileges. Fortunately, she has not lied to us since. Now she tells us "blue dot" or "green dot" as soon as she gets off the bus.

So then we reversed our methods and offered to take her to the dollar store if she had one blue dot day (she had had four green dot days in a row). That worked and Robby took her to the dollar store, where she picked out a princess bracelet. I was of course pleased that bribery worked for her (afterall, when she is an adult she will be bribed with a paycheck), but I really don't like this solution because we have too much clutter in our house already. Buying a knick knack at the dollar store every day will soon become a mess.

So, we promised Catherine that we would take her to Chuck E. Cheese if she had blue dots for the entire week. She was good Monday through Thursday, but blew it on Friday. I suggested we go to Chuck E. Cheese and make Catherine sit at a table and watch while Sabrina played on the rides. But, Robby thought that was cruel.

Instead we took down the Ariel poster and removed her favorite Disney fairy shirt, Rosetta. I suggested that we let Sabrina wear Catherine's favorite shirt in front of her, but Robby said no.

Catherine's behavior is improving. In her defense, she came from a preschool that had zero structure. So, the idea of being told what to do and how to do it every minute of every day is a big adjustment for her. Really big. Hopefully it does not signify the need for legal representation in ten years, just some strict parenting for a few months.